There I was, at home in my office for the first time in 6 days...shortcut to Facebook on the bookmark bar. It stared at me, gave me sexy eyes, and licked its lips before whispering..."You know you can't end this. I know you (i.e. I own all your private information). I want to give you the attention you deserve (i.e. I share your private information with third parties). You can always count on me (...to make mediocre at best attempts to protect your information)."
It was as easy as point and click...5 minutes of fanatical scrolling...then a log off. Whyeee? It all boils down to this....when things are going good in your life, Facebook is a goddamn lesbian softball tournament (i.e. the greatest thing on earth).
Wow! DJ Tanner is a photographer at Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Studied Women's Issues at Carleton College. Lives in Milan, Italy. AND is in a relationship with Natalie Portman.
When your life hits a speed bump, Facebook is like a booger hanging out of your bosses nose. You can't really say anything. You just let it be and you never take your eyes off of it.
Whoa. Kimmy Gibbler simply lives in Detroit, MI. Upon closer review, you'll notice she has 57 friends, wait 56...defriended. She ate a Cinnabon for breakfast, an Auntie Anne's Pretzel for dinner and masturbated 15 times before noon.
DJ is creating statuses. Kimmy is stalking statuses. Who am I in this scenario? Neither. That shit's for normal people, people that aren't special. People that don't have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.
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